What’s in a Name
A bit about how we got our practice name and the power in naming ourselves
When I was trying to determine what to call my private practice I knew I wanted it to make reference to nature in addition to being inherently Queer. And I wanted to honor parts of queer & trans history and culture.
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I came up with the name Softening Stone as a hat tip to Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues, after exploring themes in the book that described characters as hardened, closed-off, and armored as a means of protection after extensive trauma.
Several years ago, someone reflected to me that the book was 'brutal' and I responded that the book is 'beautiful.' There is so much brutality, violence, abuse and horror in those pages. And also, there is so much beauty in the love and community created by the characters in the story even while new traumas are piling on. The acts of living, loving and resisting are so radical and require so much strength.
“But Parker, if you know that the characters had strength, why are you talking about softening them?"
There is so much strength in tenderness, so much power in not allowing the world to take all your softness from you. It is incredibly radical to show up authentically and vulnerably in relationship and community. And when we remain open to authentic connection with others, where we are able to let our walls down and people in, we can create the kind of movements that can change the world and the kind of relationships that can change our worlds.
Not everyone deserves our softness and tenderness. Not everyone is safe to find our walls let down and the most vulnerable parts of ourselves easily seen. Learning to soften isn't about throwing out our armor altogether. That armor got you here, didn't it? Your system was wise in learning how to survive what you have and still be moving forward. Just as we need to put on our armor to protect ourselves, we also need to take it off to let those we love in.
Come learn about Radical Tenderness with me.